Identity in Dance with Lauren Blakeney

Lauren Blakeney

Trans

Happy Medium
Malaika:
[00:00:00]
Welcome to Happy Medium, a podcast where artists make
art on the spot. Hi everyone. Welcome to the Happy Medium Podcast, and
today we have Lauren on as our guest. We are doing a paint by numbers today,
and we're making this photo of fruit. Yummy. So, Laur
en, would you please
introduce yourself? Yeah. Um, hi, my name is Lauren Blakeney.
Lauren:
Um, I'm originally from Houston, Texas and I live in Tampa, Florida
now. I was a professional dancer for about eight years, and now I am
choreographing and teaching
in the area.
Malaika:
Okay, so we're going to be, just so everybody knows who's listening,
we're doing paint by numbers. It's a, a photo of fruit. It's got pineapples.
I don't know, fruit. I just realized guava. Probably some oranges, some lemons.
Yeah. A
nd we're just gonna paint it, so I'm doing like a brownie color. What
color are you doing right now?
Lauren:
[00:01:00]
I'm doing more of like a black color.
Malaika:
Okay. Okay. So Lauren, you've been dancing?
Lauren:
Mm
-
hmm.
Malaika:
For a long time.
Lauren:
Very long time.
Malaika:
We met through dance, actually.
Lauren:
Yep. Mm
-
hmm.
Malaika:
We met or we, well, I don't remember how we met. Did you, did we
meet when you started teaching at the studio? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So Lauren
teaches now at the
dance studio I grew up going to. Mm
-
hmm. So I love that.
Yeah. I love the dance world. It just brings everyone together. It's so small and
now we're good friends.
Yeah. I love it. So what does dance mean to you?
Lauren:
Um, for me, dance is like an escape
. You know, it's that thing that you
can go to and just have an hour and a half or two hours or three hours where
you're just present. You know, it's almost like a meditation. You're like mindful.
Malaika:
Yeah.
Lauren:
What you're doing, if that makes se
nse.
Malaika:
Yeah .
Lauren:
And you're not worried about everything outside of it.
Malaika:
Yeah.
Lauren:
It gives you that little break from life to just dance and then release all
that energy and tension and yeah, stress.
Malaika:
I feel you.
Lauren:
Yeah.
Malaika:
I feel like it's the only time, it's one of the few times in my life where
I think my mind could be quiet.
Cause I'm a
[00:02:00]
very, my brain's always ticking all day.
Lauren:
I can't meditate.
Malaika:
No, me neither. I'm not really g
ood
Lauren:
at yoga.
No, I need someone to be talking the whole time.
Malaika:
Yeah.
Lauren:
Like if you're talking or there's words or music, I can do it.
Malaika:
Yeah.
Lauren:
But if I just sit there in silence, I'm like mm
-
hmm. They're all too
much time to think too much stuff. Mm
-
hmm.
Malaika:
So how did you get into dance?
Lauren:
Um, so my grandma was a dancer. My mom was a dancer. Um, but I
was originally in gymnastics a
nd I kind of liked it better.
Malaika:
Ooh.
Lauren:
Um, but I started getting up in levels and I was like around level eight.
And it started to get a little scary.
Malaika:
How far did the levels go up?
Lauren:
10.
Malaika:
Oh oh, so you were like gett
ing to the top?
Lauren:
Yeah, I was getting up there and then I was like, I don't know if I like
this that much. And my dance studio was upstairs, so I just started like kind of
skipping gymnastics and going upstairs and try that. Yeah. And I just was lik
e,
Hmm, I'm just gonna keep taking classes.
And, um, I don't know, I, I just kind of fell in love with it more and it felt more
artistic for me. It felt more like, You know, instead of just being hard hitting and
strong.
Malaika:
Yeah.
Lauren:
I could
[00
:03:00]
like be soft and delicate and you could like express
yourself more.
Malaika:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lauren:
It wasn't as like rigid and you know, what's the word?
Technical in a way. Yeah. Like
Malaika:
Yeah. Yeah.
Lauren:
Had more freedom.
Malaika:
Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel like, do you think you would've found it
even if you hadn't done gymnastics?
Lauren:
Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah.
You think so? Yeah. Yeah. I definitely think this was something I was like born
to do kind of thing.
Malaika:
So
when did you start dancing?
Lauren:
Like what age? I mean, I started dancing young, like three, four, like
everyone else. Um, but I was in gymnastics at the same time, so like dance was
kind of . At the time was more so to help with my gymnastics. Mm
-
hmm.
Because, you know, with our beam and floor routines. So I just kind of kept
doing dance because it was helping.
Malaika:
Yeah.
Lauren:
And then I was like, The opposite.
Malaika:
Yeah. Then it was like throwing off the gymnastics.
Lauren:
Yeah.
Malaika:
Because, yeah, because people think dance and gymnastics are very
similar and they're kind of like interchangeable. Yeah. But they're definitely not,
Lauren:
They're super opposing.
Malaika:
Yeah.
Lauren:
Um, yeah. Yeah, they're definitely a completely
[00:04:00]
different
style and like, you know, on beam you have to be parallel.
You can't be turned out. So it's like just very different, but, Um, I will say all the
strength that I gained from gymnastics h
elped me so much with dance. Right?
Cause I was already so strong. Right. So it kind of, then it was the flexibility
and the grace added to it. So, yeah. Yeah.
Malaika:
So then what was it like? What was your teenage years? Cause so I'm
guessing you were
probably like 10 to 12 when you decided to switch to dance.
Mm
-
hmm. Yeah. So how would you describe your teenage years pursuing
dance? Like were you just doing it for fun still, or were you like seeing it as a
potential future for yourself?
Lauren:
I thin
k the first few years. Um, like probably like 10, 11, 12. Yeah. I
was like, this is fun. I love this. I'm really enjoying this. And then I did my first
real summer intensive mm
-
hmm. In New York. Mm
-
hmm. And I was like, wait,
stop everything. This is amazin
g. Yeah. I'm obsessed. Um,
[00:05:00]
so I think
that's what really started that. Kind of change where I was like, oh, this isn't just
a hobby.
Cuz you know, when you grow up everyone's like, what do you wanna be?
Yeah. And I was like, I always wrote down
a veterinarian cuz I love animals,
but I mean with my, I didn't love school that much, so that was never gonna
happen. Yeah. Um, so I think it really just turned into me just finding something
that fulfilled me right in that way and.
I was just ran with it
. Yeah. Yeah.
Malaika:
I'm glad you found that because you know, slightly off topic, but not
really. I'm starting to feel like that question of like asking kids like what do they
wanna be is like a little, it's hard. Is it a little to, I don't wanna say t
oxic, but I
feel like it's a little toxic because I think so too.
They're asking them a question that they can't, I mean, I can barely answer that
question now as an adult. So yeah, if you ask a 12 year old what they wanna do,
Lauren:
I think we should as
k more. So like, what do you like? Or. What kind
of qualities do you wanna have? Do you wanna be a good friend? Do you
wanna be Yeah, a good person?
Do you want to, you know, things
[00:06:00]
like that. Like who do you wanna
be? Not what do you wanna be,
but who do you wanna be? Yeah. And I think
that's like a better way to look at it rather than cuz like you're gonna change
Yeah, yeah. All the time. And we should have the freedom to evolve and we be
who we want to be.
But you know, you don't have to be th
at, that one cookie cutter thing that you
said when you were seven. Right. You know?
Malaika:
Cause then you kind of follow it. Yeah. Like I said, I wanted to be a
doctor and then I went to college and I tried to be a doctor like that first year
and that
went wrong. Like immediately.
Yeah. Cause you gotta see you like it. Cause I'm not, I'm not, yeah. I'm not a
science. Yeah. Like I'm not into science in that way enough to pursue it. Yeah.
Yeah. But it was like the first thing that I thought I could do. So
even though I
enjoyed arts and. You know, dancing and singing and theater much more. I
thought, oh, well that's what I'm supposed to do though.
Yeah, because that's what I said.
Lauren:
I think that's the supposed to do thing. And like you can just take
it
away. Right. Because you, you're supposed to do whatever you feel like you
should do.
Malaika:
Right. And if you do what you feel Yeah. Is who you are, then it'll
[00:07:00]
probably work out better. Oh, for sure. Cause you'll be more
passionate about
it.
Yeah. So when you were a teenager pursuing dance, it, it's, you know, as we
both know, it becomes like a huge part mm
-
hmm. Of your identity. Yeah. And
how you see yourself. Mm
-
hmm. And just, it's hard to describe yourself without
describing dance. Oh y
eah. So has it been hard for you now as an adult to find
your identity?
As not just a dancer, since you're still, you still are a dancer. Yeah. But it's not
all of who you are. Have you found that difficult?
Lauren:
Um, yeah. I mean, I went through like a
full blown crisis whenever
Covid hit and I broke my neck, but
Malaika:
Oh yeah. Oh my God. I forgot about your neck.
Lauren:
Um, but I think. I was like, who am I?
You know, cuz so much of my identity growing up, I was the girl that danced
all the time.
Yeah. You know, I didn't really have friends at school because all
my friends were dance friends cuz I couldn't do anything on the weekend. I
couldn't, you know, I was always at the studio. Mm
-
hmm. And I didn't mind it.
It wasn't something I hated. Was ha
ted. Yeah. I loved it and I wouldn't have
changed
[00:08:00]
it. Um, but like, I didn't do those normal things. I didn't go
to prom, I didn't graduate with everyone. I didn't, you know, I wasn't, I wasn't
invested in cultivating myself as a human. If that
makes sense
Malaika:
I do. I was get it.
Lauren:
I was literally just invested in me as a dancer. Yeah. And I put all of
my self worth into that. Into that. Yeah. I just, I wanted to be a dancer and I
think I'm really glad I had that like grit and tenac
ity to push through and knew
what I wanted, but I wish I would've saw some things in myself that were good
outside of it. Yeah. Because I put all of my self worth into it.
Malaika:
Yeah. No, I totally get it. Yeah. So can you describe a little bit, like
wh
at, so what was your regimen? Cause that's like, I also danced, but it was, it
was a li it wasn't as intense. Yeah. Like I did find that I didn't go to a lot of
parties and mm
-
hmm. I had friends in school, but really my friends were at
dance.
Yeah. And I just, I didn't really
[00:09:00]
do anything else. Or even when I
tried to do other things, dance always kind of overtook it. Oh yeah. Um, And I
also struggled to kind of figure out, well, who am I if I'm not a dancer? So I'm
curious like what
your regimen was like, cuz it sounds like it was even more
vigorous.
Like you weren't, you didn't go to prom. I didn't know You didn't go to prom.
Lauren:
I didn't go to, yeah. I, and I don't know, I think it was just for me, like
my high school in Texas,
you know, it was like you're either a cheerleader, Or
you play volleyball. Yeah. And then, or you're on, what is it? Student council.
And I was like, I don't have time for any of those things.
Yeah. So, um,
Malaika:
I have a job after school.
Lauren:
Yeah. I, I, I'm working essentially. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so I think I
just didn't find where I fit in in that way. And dance was the place that I fit in.
Mm
-
hmm. And I think not having that at my school was really difficult. Um, so.
I think just my regime
n was literally go to school.
Mm
-
hmm. Go to dance. And I'm one of four kids and my mom was a single
mom. So, um, in middle school, my bus dropped me off at the
[00:10:00]
dance
studio. Okay. So rather school. You're just there, there I was literally just
c
hilling at the studio four to nine 30 every single day. Wow. You know,
cleaning the studio at night, it was just, it was, it was something that I really
loved, but I think I kind of was almost.
Pushed into it. Like I had to, I mean, there was no other opti
on, no one could
take me, you know? Yeah. So I think, um, and then also too, after that, once I
decided this was really what I wanted mm
-
hmm. I was in every class I could.
Yeah. You know, my mom was like, if I'm paying for that unlimited, you're
gonna go j
ust take everything, every single class.
So I think it was just kind of like that. I just, I was there all the time. Um, and I
wanted to be, it wasn't. Mm
-
hmm. You know, I kind of. I remember being in
high school and everyone's talking about like, you know
, their homecoming
dress and like this, that and the other, and I'm like, We got, you know, we got a
dance convention this weekend.
Yeah. I'm excited about that. And this all day, I can't wait. Yeah. For the whole
weekend. Yeah. I'm gonna get four hours of
sleep and, you know, just do it all.
But I think, yeah, I think it's just my priorities
[00:11:00]
just weren't the same
Right. At the time.
Malaika:
Because they weren't like as, they weren't the same to most like 16
year olds at the time.
Lauren:
Yes.
Yeah.
Malaika:
I feel the same way. I like, I really enjoyed it and when I talk about it,
Now to other people, they're like, oh, you had like a little job. I'm like, yeah, I
guess. But it, it didn't feel that way. No. At the time it was fun. It was like,
it
was just what I did and it made me happy. And it, and it was hard too.
It wasn't like every day was fun. I mean, dance is hard. Yeah. Like I, you know,
you spend half the time kind of like groaning cuz you're, you know, you're
holding something for long
er than you should. Yeah. Or like you're, yeah.
You're in pain a little bit. Yeah. You're trying to make something that's difficult,
look really easy.
Yeah. But for the most part, it was just really, It was just really fun. Yeah. You
know? So as it, since
dance is one of your, you know, one of your greatest
passions, it's also probably been one of the hardest things you've had to do.
Mm
-
hmm. And caused you the most hardships. How do you balance that?
Lauren:
For me, it was learning that it was
[00:12:00]
o
kay to have a bad day.
Yeah. And it was okay to be injured, which was really hard cuz I'm one of those
people that will, to the day I die, I'm fine. Yeah. I don't, I don't need to sit. I'm
fine. I got this. But yeah. You know, it's, um, but I think giving
myself grace,
yeah. I think that's the biggest thing. And letting myself not be, and not
comparing myself to anyone else or mm
-
hmm.
Even a version, a past version of myself. Yeah.
Malaika:
That's the rough one these days, isn't it?
Lauren:
Yeah. So it's
like, it's just giving yourself grace and space to be the
person that you are in that moment. Yeah. And like, Letting yourself breathe.
Yeah. And get through it and remembering why you do it. And Yeah. Cuz
you're not doing it.
I think a lot of times in dan
ce, we do it for validation, we want that outside
validation. Mm
-
hmm. But what about our own validation? Right. And how do
we feel about ourselves? And so I think that's what's most important. So I think
with those hardships, it's figuring out
[00:13:00]
h
ow to work through them and
give yourself grace through those moments.
And also understand. Someone else may be projecting right? What, what they
feel right to you, you know, onto you. And so it's just, it's being mindful and
being aware, but it hasn't bee
n easy. It's taken a long time. You know, I'm 30.
Yeah. So getting to this point was not something that happened overnight.
Yeah.
And it's been a lot, I would say probably say more recently, like in the past five
years, that I've really started to like, I
get it.
Malaika:
Yeah. Have full like acceptance of like the experience and who you
are now. Yeah. Yeah. So can you tell us a little bit about, cause I'm curious too,
like what were your like eight years of professional dancing like, like what were
you do
ing?
Cause I know you traveled a lot and did a lot of different things.
Lauren:
So most of my stuff was in Europe. Yeah. Which was the best. Yeah.
And I loved every single second. Um, my first real job was, I went to an
audition in New York. Mm
-
hmm. And I
booked a show called Rock the Ballet.
Okay. And we were there
[00:14:00]
in, where was it, Maryland.
Mm
-
hmm. For like six weeks. And then we went to Hamburg and we were
there for six months. We were in Germany Oh, wow. In Austria, Finland,
Switzerland, al
l the places. And so, um, we did a tour there and I was 19. I had
just turned 20.
Malaika:
Yeah. I was just about to ask like, how old were you? Ugh.
Lauren:
So I was just so unaware, like, yeah.
You know, and also too, like, This was before everywhere had wifi and like,
things like that. So I just wish I could go back and redo the whole thing. Cause I
was like, oh my gosh, I did not go to that place and I did not do this and I did
not do that. Yea
h. You know, it's like one of those things when you're young,
you don't realize what experience you're actually having.
Yeah. Um, so I did that. That was my first job. And then, um, I worked for a
dance convention for a really long time too. Mm
-
hmm. Like i
ntermittently
when I was home. And then, um, I did a show in New York with, um, a
contemporary company called Still Motion. Okay. And then I did Norwegian
Cruise Lines as an aerialist and Oh, wow.
Dancer. Yeah.
Malaika:
[00:15:00]
How long did you do that
for?
Lauren:
I did that for two years. Wow. Yeah. That was probably, and that was
kind of the turning point in my career, I would say, because I always, I never
boxed myself off. I was always that person that was like, I can do anything.
Yeah. But I thin
k there's a stigma on, you know, if you're trained classically,
you should be doing stuff that's.
Mm
-
hmm. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Like the contemporary
companies are the coolest and like Yeah. Things like that. And you don't really
understand tha
t. Like there's a whole world out there. And, um, it kind of forced
me to like, smile when I danced and you know what I mean? Like Yeah. Like I
realized that dance could just be fun.
Malaika:
Like yeah. Be fun and entertaining. Not always so emotionally li
ke
Yeah. Tolling and, yeah, just draining, you know?
Lauren:
Yeah. I was like, I, I remember my first show coming off and being
like, my cheeks hurt. Like I had never smiled that much in a show and I was
like, this is weird, but I like it, you know? Yeah.
It was, and it was just fun and
easy and it wasn't about, no one was judging me.
Because they were just there to have a good time too. Right. So it was
[00:16:00]
like, as long as I just put on a show, they're happy. They're happy,
and you get to be happy too. Yeah. Yeah. And so it was kind of it, it changed
performing a little bit for me because I realized it wasn't as much pressure as I
thought it was going to be
.
Malaika:
You just brought up something that like, I don't think my brain like
ever put together when we were dancing Uhhuh that like it was always being
judged. Yeah. Because when I was a kid, I would tell myself that, like I didn't
really care about the
judges. Mm
-
hmm. And I was just up here having fun with
my friends, but there was this element of like, we've gotta do really well and we
can't, we've gotta, we've gotta get a gold, not a high gold. Yeah. No. What was
it? Platinum high. High gold wasn't ev
en good. Yeah. That was like, oh,
platinum, she's okay. Yeah. Yeah. We gotta get a platinum. We're a first place
platinum. And yeah.
It was never like, we rarely dance for fun. Yeah. It was, or. It was supposedly
for fun. Mm
-
hmm. But it was always being ju
dged and only recitals were meant
to be fun. Yeah. And even though sometimes could not be fun because now
you've invited all your family and your friends Yeah. And you've gotta do
[00:17:00]
like this great performance.
Mm
-
hmm. And yeah. Yeah. That's reall
y true. Yeah. Like I'm glad you got to
experience it in a way that's just like for fun.
Lauren:
Well, and I had like a moment with Rock the Ballet and I remember
like cuz there was only two girls. In that one and we did our first like leg of the
tour and
we came back to Maryland.
And I remember just being in the studio and being like, why am I trying so hard
for everyone's validation? You know? Cuz I could look and I would feel like
everyone liked the other girl more than they liked me. Yeah. Do you know w
hat
I'm saying? Like, and it was just my insecurity. I do, but it was like, Gosh, I just
wish I could be her.
And I was like, finally like was, I don't care. I'm just gonna go out and do it.
Yeah. And like I felt so good and I realized the response that I
got from people
was even better. Mm
-
hmm. And I was like, Hmm. But then, you know, I had
that moment and then it like, you know, insecurity obviously crept in at that
point.
Yeah. And I was like, yeah, okay, nevermind. We're not gonna stick on that
path. We
're gonna keep going down. But um, you know, and then I finally got
to where I was with Norwegian and I just was like, This
[00:18:00]
is just gonna
be fun. Like, yeah. Why am I putting so much pressure on myself? Just enjoy it.
Yeah.
Malaika:
Everything d
oesn't have to be a pressure cooker. No, it's like a terrible
Yeah. Habit. I'm still like, I'll notice. I'm sure. Ugh. I hope you don't do, I know
you do it like if you go to the gym mm
-
hmm. And you're in a class. Like a spin
class or any class. Mm
-
hmm. I'
m always competing with everyone in the room.
Oh, yes. Everyone, everyone. I've gotta be the best. I will not take a break.
Yeah. I've gotta be the best. Why? And I'm, and I, I tell myself that it doesn't
matter. Mm
-
hmm. It's a class. Yes. I'm here for fun
. Even in like a, yo, I tried to
start taking yoga. Mm
-
hmm. Because I wanted to chill out. Yeah. And I'm
competing with the girl next to me doing my chaturangas.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, mine's better. Yep. That's what I'm telling myself in my
head. And I'm l
ike, why do you mean, why do I keep doing that? But it's this
competitive nature. Yeah. That's like been instilled. That is like really, it's a
slow breakdown process. Oh yeah, for sure. Where you're just like learning to
not be so comparative to everybody
all the time.
Lauren:
Well, and I think that's something we learn too. Yeah. And like I think
as a teacher, I'm really aware of it and I don't
[00:19:00]
compare my students.
Yeah. Um, because it, every person is different. Mm
-
hmm. There's no reason
for u
s to be, yeah. You can be competitive, but be competitive with yourself.
With yourself. Yeah.
Like, you don't need to beat the person next to you. You need to beat the person
that you were yesterday or right. Five hours ago. You know what I mean? Yeah.
But
like, even still, you really don't have to, like, you, you can just come in here,
do your best. Yeah. And like, that can be enough too. Yeah. But if you wanna
use that competitive nature to your benefit, that's gonna be a much better use of
your time.
Yea
h. Than you know. Comparing yourself to every single person in the room.
Yep, I agree. Which is not, not beneficial or helpful in any way. Not fun at all.
No.
Malaika:
Knowing your journey in dance Uhhuh, the good and the bad, how do
you think that is hel
ping you create how you see yourself today? Like how has
it formulated the person you are?
Lauren:
Um, I think, so for me, I would say most of my struggles actually
happened in my childhood, I thought the dance world was gonna be this really
scary, awful p
lace that like mm
-
hmm. Just
[00:20:00]
broke me as a person.
And I, I really have to say that, like, that didn't happen. Um, I think there's a lot
of fear mm
-
hmm.
Based around going into like a professional career or performing arts. And I can
understand t
hat my dif my, um, experience may be different Yeah. Than other
people's, but I think my childhood experience was almost worse Yeah. Than my
professional experience because I think. I, I don't know, I maybe just got really
lucky with really, really amazing
people, right?
That, that were human beings first and then mm
-
hmm. Their job second, if that
makes sense. Yeah. So I think it just, I had a really good professional
experience. Mm
-
hmm. Um, so I think if anything, I think I was like over
-
prepared. You know
, I went into it so scared. I was like, oh gosh, here we go.
And then I was like, oh, they're all just people.
So, Yeah. And like, you know, they actually, you know, a few of the jobs I like,
I really felt like they cared about me. Mm
-
hmm. Like as a person
[00:21:00]
and, you know, um, and also you meet so many amazing people. Some of my,
my best friendships are from people I met Yeah. In those contracts. And so I
think, you know, I think people are like, put so much pressure on it, but actually
if you just
let yourself enjoy it and it's a, it's a job and it's something that you get
to do every day.
Yeah. And you're working with like
-
minded people. It's, it's like the best. It's the
best, you know? Yeah. When you're really experiencing something. Yeah. You
k
now, that's kind of beautiful rather than
Malaika:
It's really unique. Yeah. It's hard to describe because I know we just
said a bunch of stuff about all the pressure, but.
It was still like, it's, it's a priceless experience. Yeah. Yeah. Like I, I feel like it,
I, what I got out of dance was far more important than the actual skill of
dancing. Oh yeah, for sure. You know, I, I, I think it taught me a lot about like,
pushing
through hard things. It taught me about being responsible.
Yeah. With my time with other people's time. Mm
-
hmm. Um, how to. How to
work with different
[00:22:00]
personalities. Yeah. Like just so many things.
Yeah. And I, I like, I really cherish it and th
e friendships, like all the friends I've
made. Mm
-
hmm. Even the friends I made in college ended up being dancers.
Yeah. I didn't even know they were dancers at first.
Yeah. I just, I think you just gravitate towards each other. Oh yeah, for sure.
And it's
a really, um, yeah, it's really beautiful and it's hard to express, but I
think like, Anybody. I feel like it probably happens in other sports as well. Mm
-
hmm. Like if you have that really close
-
knit group and you know, people are
really genuine.
Like, you
get, you get these like really great relationships, like you can't For
sure. They're like irreplaceable relationship. Yeah.
Lauren:
Cuz it's like a shared experience, you know? Yeah. I wouldn't say it's
like a trauma bond. Yeah. It's like it's a shared e
xperience bond. Yeah. Because
you know, you're, you're like
-
minded, like you said, like you grew up doing
something similar.
Um. And I think it's just, it's wonderful. There's so many positives from all the
negatives that have maybe happened. Yeah. I reall
y now can look back and see
all the positives that have Right. You know, that it's instilled in me like
[00:23:00]
you said it, I mean, being on time, you know? Yeah. Grit, tenacity.
Um, you know, I was lucky enough to like grow up with parents that really
believed that I could do anything I wanted.
Yeah. Like, and I truly believe that. I'm like, and it's made me fearless in the
sense of like, sure, I'll move there, I'll try it. I'll go there. Like, you know, I can
do it. It's not, yeah, I don't, I don't th
ink I can't do it first, you know, maybe
while I'm doing it, I'm like, oh no. Yeah, but I have that. But yeah.
But I have that initial like, yeah, that sounds great. I've never been like afraid to
say yes to something. Mm
-
hmm. Because like,
Malaika:
that'
s awesome.
Lauren:
Yeah. I think that's a really good quality.
Malaika:
That's a really like, yeah. Special quality. Most people don't have.
Yeah.
Lauren:
I'm very much so, yeah. Let's do it. Like, I don't think, and then I'll
think about it later, but I, like, at the time I'm like, sure.
Malaika:
Great. Yeah. You know, they were like, you wanna do Ariel? I was
like, sure, sure. I can do that. Sign me up. I
have no idea what that is, but figure
it out real quick. I, I'm sure I can do it. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, I, I've just kind of
been like, I'm my only like thing that's stopping me. Yeah. Kinda thing. Yeah.
Sorry.
Lauren:
I'm the only person
[00:24:00]
that
can, so might as well try it. Try it.
If I fail, great. But, yeah, if not, could be amazing.
Malaika:
So, so, So then what do you wish, is there anything you wish you
knew about dance and the dance world before you started that you think could
have helpe
d you maybe have a better experience mm
-
hmm. Or anything?
Lauren:
Um, I wish that she said, mm
-
hmm. Mm
-
hmm. I wish that there wasn't
such a stigma around like, entertainment, like cruise ship work or, um, like even
commercial work or, mm
-
hmm. Because grow
ing up for me, it was like,
Contemporary or nothing else. Like it was like, I mean, if I wasn't in kid Pivot,
it would be the end of the world for me.
And um, I wish there wasn't that stigma around like doing that work is less than,
because it's not, you'r
e still doing dance, you're dancing, that's what you wanna
do, right? So I think I just would've, I wish I would've known how
[00:25:00]
great everything was. Yeah. If that makes sense. Yeah. Like, I wish everything
would've been fully supported and there
were some people that were, but I think
as a whole, and like, like where I grew up, I think it was just like, this is what
you need to be doing.
Right. And I think I just didn't realize how much I could do.
Malaika:
Yeah. Because it, it, it limits you wit
hin the world you're in. Yeah. It
was like, oh, there so many opportunities. Yeah.
And I was just that person again. I was like a yes person. I was like, so it was
like whenever everyone said, oh, that's not cool you can't do that. And I was
like, but. Wh
y, you know? Well, I'm gonna try. Yeah. And I think, I think it
took me a while to kind of get outta that mindset. Mm
-
hmm. But I think just for
young dancers, like knowing that any part of the dance world is good. Yeah.
Like you're dancing, that's what you
wanna be doing.
Lauren:
Right. So like, not, not letting yourself be boxed in by anything or
anyone,
Malaika:
and feeling like if it's not. That cool thing. Yes. That it's not worth
trying. Yeah. And sometimes doing those things can lead you to
[00:26:00
]
get
to that cool thing. Exactly. You know, I think that happens with a lot of
professions. People feel like if we're not, if I'm not doing it big first, then it's not
worth doing.
Yes. But no. Like if you really love it, yeah. Then you're doing it anyway
.
Lauren:
You're in it for the long, you know, the long haul, not the short game.
So, yeah. Yeah. I think it's just one of those things where I wish, yeah. I wish
some people would've been like, oh, that's encouraged that a little bit more.
Yeah. A little
bit more encouraging of just different sides of the dance world.
Malaika:
Okay. And then last question, who is, who is Lauren today? How
would you describe goodness yourself today? That's a big one.
Lauren:
I know. Uh, I think I'm really, really passionat
e. Mm
-
hmm. Um, but in
a good way. I think, you know, I care a lot. I think, um, I'm someone who puts a
lot of energy and time into my friendships, my relationships, my, my students.
Yep. Um, my family. I really just care. Um, yeah. I think I'm reliable lik
e you
are. I'm, I think I, you know, I'm pretty reliable. I, I, I would say, you know, I,
[00:27:00]
I really like being there for people and, and showing up when I'm
supposed to show up and, um, I think, oh, Hmm.
I don't know. What else am I. That's fine.
You don't have, yeah, I don't know. I
think, I think I'm just, I'm a good human, I think for the most part. Yeah. I think,
I think I've done okay. Yeah. You know, I think I'm someone who learns from
my mistakes. Um, I try every day to be better. I think I
'm just a human.
Yeah. You know, I think.
Malaika:
Yeah, you're a human who's a fantastic dancer. Yeah. Yeah.
Lauren:
And you can be both. Yeah. You can be all the things. You can be all
the things you don't,
Malaika:
you can be all the things, kids. All the things. Well, thanks for being
here.
Lauren:
Oh my gosh. Thank you guys.
Malaika:
We painted a little, um, we're, I'm in a, I don't know what this is. I
think it's a guava and Lauren's doing. I have no idea. We d
on't know, but it'll,
it'll be pretty at the end. But thank you so much for being, thank you so much. A
part of this, this episode. Is there anything you wanna add?
Lauren:
Um, I
[00:28:00]
think just to anyone watching, like you're more than,
um, what yo
u do. Uh, you can be anything that you wanna be, but also think
about those core values that make you who you are and, and your friendships,
your relationships, your family, that those are so important.
Don't neglect those for what you do because at the en
d of the day, what you do
doesn't make who you are. It's just a part of it. Yeah. So I think just, yeah. Don't
put all your eggs in one basket. Yeah. Cut that out. Thank you.
Malaika:
Thank you for listening to Happy Medium. You can find more info
about t
he guests and other episodes in the show notes, or go to our website, arts
axis florida.org.
Thank you to our sponsors, Community Foundation Tampa Bay, building a
vibrant, prosperous community through transformative vision, leadership, and
philanthropy at
cftampabay.org and the Gobioff Foundation
[00:29:00]
supporting human rights organizations and the Tampa Florida Arts community
at gobioff dash foundation.org.
Lastly, thank you to PRX for consulting on this podcast, the Arts Axis Florida
team, and the Flo
rida Department of State Divisions of Arts and Culture for
making these episodes possible. Copyright 2023 W U S F public media

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